News...

Yes indeed, it's that time again...

*"Sometimes, when people are constipated, you gotta help them out." - Bobby Brown

*50 Cent left a female fan with a far more memorable souvenir than an autograph when he recently visited London. The charming rapper took her back to his hotel from China White and shagged her so hard that her vagina was torn. A hospital visit was required to stitch up the damage.

*At Brooklyn Beckham's old Hertfordshire school, there was a new award at this year's sports day. The Brooklyn Beckham Cup for 'The child who tries the Hardest' ("i.e. the spaz", says a school parent.)

*Staff at Balmoral Castle tell us that kitchen stewards always masturbate into the Blairs' food when they come to stay with the Queen.

*Gruesome twosome: Duncan Blue and Mariah Carey.

*Poor Craig David... he's devastated by his portrayal on Bo Selecta and thinks it might have ruined his career.

*Tara Reid spotted sunbathing at the Grande Bretagne hotel, Athens. She was complaining about the Bellinis,and had "TERRIBLE implant scars on her nipples."

*Brandon Flowers is wearing women's Chanel sunglasses this summer.

*When Bronski Beat and Communards singer Jimmy Somerville sold his house in Islington, he left behind a large oil painting of himself. He was portrayed as a naked saint, with a huge snake wrapped round him.

* Some good news for Geri. Her new single is on heavy rotation on pan-Arab music TV.

*The grand-daughter of Johnny Morris, from Animal Magic, is a dominatrix.

*Mike Skinner spotted in McDonald's eating an Extra Value Meal and Lion Bar McFlurry.

*Michael Barrymore in Morrison's bar in Auckland, "shitfaced at 1.00am with two very young men."

*Q: What's brown and hides in the attic?
A: The diarrhoea of Anne Frank.


Over and out...